Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
