he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
