cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
