I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I understand Curling. That high.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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