I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
