Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
