so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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