just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
