I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
