so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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