he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
