Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
