thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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