dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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