My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
