That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
whose parrot is this?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
