who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We are all done wearing pants today
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
