Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
