I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
