I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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