I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
