so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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