Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
