She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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