Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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