Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
