At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
