Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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