it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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