i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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