Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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