So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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