it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
