i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
