I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
