You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
