Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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