with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
