Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
