God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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