If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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