Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
