Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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