Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
