I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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