so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
