I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
