last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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