and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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