fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
