Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
