I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
one might say we're banned from that church
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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