it was like eating out sand paper
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Someone came in the potted fern
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
