I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
