Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
