I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
