I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
