Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
